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3 posters

    Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Sora
    Sora


    Rank 1- Player-

    Lineage : Blood Bane

    Beli Beli : 37916
    Posts : 14
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Solo
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Sora
    Primary Skill: Atsu Atsu no Mi | Heat Heat Fruit
    Secondary Skill:

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Sora Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:59 pm

    Skill Name: Atsu Atsu no Mi
    Skill Type: Devil Fruit | Paramecia
    Skill Information: The user of this Devil Fruit controls the heat that is produced from his/her body, causing the user to become a "Heat" human. The user can burn almost anything they touch depending on how much heat they have emitting from their body.


    • The user can heat up to a total of 1,000 degrees at level one.
    • The user can heat up to a total of 5,000 degrees at level two.
    • The user can heat up to a total of 10,000 degrees at level three.

    Skill Strengths:


    • Resistance to solar energy. +5 Endurance, when near solar energy.
    • The user can heat up cold places
    • Resistance to Fire and Heat. +10 Endurance, when near fire and heat.


    Skill Weaknesses:

    • against cold element users, skill user lose -5 endurance against them.
    • Standard Devil Fruit Weakness; Sea Stone, Sea Water, Haki.
    • Against water element users, the user loses -10 endurance against them.


    Level 1 abilities.:


    Last edited by Sora on Mon Mar 17, 2014 1:23 am; edited 9 times in total
    Sora
    Sora


    Rank 1- Player-

    Lineage : Blood Bane

    Beli Beli : 37916
    Posts : 14
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Solo
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Sora
    Primary Skill: Atsu Atsu no Mi | Heat Heat Fruit
    Secondary Skill:

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Sora Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:51 pm

    Bump| Awaiting Check from an Admin/Mod.
    Leon L.H.
    Leon L.H.


    Administrator- Developer/Chatbox Moderator- Rank 1- Beta 3 Tester- Limited Edition Donor- Novice- Mythical Zoan Fruit User- Player-

    Lineage : Peacekeeper's Virtue

    Beli Beli : 275283
    Task Points : 16
    Divine Coins :
    Posts : 520
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Heaven's Winter
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Hexel L Hellsing AKA The Red Piano
    Primary Skill: Akuma-Akuma No Mi; Model: Diablo
    Secondary Skill: Vengeance of Demon Slayers

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Leon L.H. Fri Mar 14, 2014 8:32 pm

    Corrections will be in Red

    As I was reviewing you will notice that i kept mentioning you can only have two out of three types of range. Long, Medium and Close.

    Some of your ability does both Long and Medium range - put it under skill strength if you want to have an ability that does both. Since only one type of range is accepted for one ability.

    Also by doing so, you can't have close range ability. Although you can put under your skill strength you can do all three type of range but! there will be max range you can do. For example - Skill user is able to do all three type of ranges, long, medium and close. However, the max range is limited to 20meters (doesn't necessarily have to be 20 meters but there surely will be a cap.) even at lvl 2 and at lvl 3.

    Of course if you want to do this go for it, then again, I don't think you want to limit your range even at lvl 2 and 3 do you?

    Sora wrote:Skill Name: Atsu Atsu no Mi
    Skill Type: Devil Fruit | Paramecia
    Skill Information: The user of this Devil Fruit controls the heat that is produced from his/her body, causing the user to become a "Heat" human.
    Skill Strengths:


    • The user can burn almost anything they touch depending on how much heat they have emitting from there body. - just letting you know, you need to create an ability to do this.
    • The user emits steam from there body when they are heated up, which is extremely hot and can leave minor burns on peoples body. - just letting you know, you need to create an ability to do this.
    • The user is able to withstand varying temperatures of extreme magnitude; from being surrounded by the freezing cold of a winter island to being completely engulfed in molten lava; Once again depending on how hot the user is. - just letting you know, you need to make a skill that allows you to do it. for example your heat up ability where you can withstand 1000 degree.  Also, add - against cold and fire element users, skill user gains +10 endurance against them.


    Skill Weaknesses:

    Because your third strength gives you +10 endurance to both fire and cold element, you need to have some equal weakness. meaning something that makes you lose -10 endurance.

    • If the user becomes angry they cannot control the heat they are producing, it will just consistently raise until they become less angry. - not applicable weakness. This is your Devil Fruit weakness. You becoming mad and angry have nothing to do with devil fruit weakness. also, how would we determine how mad you are. by your rp? maybe but i dont think so. make new one.
    • Standard Devil Fruit Weakness; Sea Stone, Water, etc, etc. - add Haki.
    • The user could burn things that the user does not want to burn. - This sounds more like an ability weakness. Not a skill weakness. This is not a weakness for your skill. Just imagine you taking Devil Fruit alone and think about a weakness.






    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Ball!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Offensive | Attack - change this to medium range. or long range. Im letting you know now that you can only have two of three ranges. Long, medium, and close. So by you choosing long or medium, you can only pick one more.
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 2
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user creates a ball of pure heat in the palm of there - their. hands and then throws it towards the opponent from Long/Medium range. - pick one. long or medium. also, what is the max range? at lvl one as long range i would accept up to 20 meters and for medium, 15 meters.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • If the balls hit they will leave minor burns on the opponents body. - reword this to, if the balls hit the opponent, the opponents will suffer from 1st degree burn for one post.
    • Can be used from Mid/Long range. (30 feet maximum) - if you want to use mid and long range on same ability, put it under skill strength that you can use ability that does both long and medium range. again under SKILL STRENGTH.
    • The balls cannot be deflected considering the ball is completely made up of heat.

    - of course it can, by using haki and by other elements. change it.
    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • The balls could be dodged easily if the opponent has intentions to dodge it. - intentions? please. reword this to, opponents with 10+ reflex than skill user's speed can dodge the attack.
    • The balls can burn things that the user didn't intend to burn if the opponent dodges them.
    • The balls can be easily seen so the opponent would know when they are coming.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Up!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Supplementary  - this sounds like close range ability. put close range. again, you can only have two type of range. You already made an ability that does both long and medium range. I highly suggest you pick Long and Close range, or Medium and close range.
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 2 - change this to 3 posts.
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user heats up causing his/her skin to turn red and steam to emit from his/her body. The user can heat up to 1,000 degrees maximum.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • Anything that comes near the user will receive major or minor burns depending on how hot the user is. - you said near the user. What is near to you, set a range. For example, anything that comes near the user, 10ft. in radius, will receive minor burns from the heat. -5 endurance for one post. --- i would accept this.
    • Most people cannot come within 5 feet of the user without taking minor burns. - name new strength. first strength covers it.
    • The user can withstand heat up to 1,000 degrees.  

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • If the user becomes extremely hot, he/she could burn things he/she doesn't want.
    • The user can be cooled down by anything less than -1,000 degrees. - anything? so if my fire element is less than 1000 degrees, i can cool you off? change it. make new one.
    • Could cause serious damage to the environment. - more like a strength. make new weakness.


    [*]



    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Hot Hands!

    this ability sounds like a close range. Like i mentioned above, you can only have two out of three range attacks. either long and medium range, long and close range or medium and range. you can't have all three. I saw one of your ability does both long and medium range. therefore you can't have close range attacks. this skill sounds like close range to me. make new ability. Unless you change change your range type to either Long and close or medium and close.
    If you want to have close range range ability that is.


    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Supplementary
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 2
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user heats up his/her fists to 1,000 degrees.

    • If the users touches his/her opponent, his/her fists will leave minor burns on the opponents body.
    • If the user grabs hold of the opponent or touches the same spot repeatedly the users hands could cause major burns to the place he/she touched.
    • The heat from the users fists could burn things easily.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • The user burns everything he/she touches, and could possibly burn things he/she doesn't want to burn.
    • The user would have to be in close range to grab/punch/touch somebody.
    • The user's fists are not hot enough to burn any types of metals.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Dome!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Defensive
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 3 - change it to 4 posts, and add duration: 2 posts.
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user generates a dome of heat that extends about 5 feet around the user.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • Anyone within the dome of heat would be extremely hot and would take minor burns after 1 turn of staying inside of the dome. - what kind of minor injuries? 1st degree burn. -5 endurance for one posts. Also take out ...after 1 turn of staying inside of the dome.
    • If somebody would try to pass through the dome they would take minor burns. - add -5 endurance for one post.
    • It'd be a good way to keep opponents in close range with the user. - like i mentioned before, you already have an ability that does both long and medium range. having Close range ability is not possible. you can keep this strength, just letting you know it again.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • The user would have to take a moment to channel this ability and could potentially  be stopped by the opponent. - change it to new weakness. say... opponents need to stay in the dome for 1 post in order to take minor burns. (weakness against your first strength)
    • Due to the fact that the wall is made of heat, projectiles could easily pass through it.
    • Things that can't be affected by heat or can't be burnt. - everything can be effected by heat. make new weakness.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Arrows!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Offensive | Attack - change it to either long range, medium range.
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 3 - change the cool down to 4 posts, and add duration of 2 posts.
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user forms 3 small heat arrows in his hands and then makes them larger as he pulls his hands away from them, they eventually become the size of a regular arrow. The user then pushes the heat away from him causing the 3 arrows to fly towards the selected destination.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:
    [*]Will leave minor burns on an opponents body if they hit. - add -5 endurance for one post.
    [*]If the arrows hit anything that is flammable, the arrows will light the flammable thing on fire.
    [*]Can be used at long/Mid range.  (30 Feet Maximum) - again as i mentioned above, if you want to have an ability that does both long and medium range, put it under SKILL STRENGTH.
    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • Takes a moment to create and launch the arrows. - reword it to, it takes 1 post to create the arrows.
    • Can be seen easily and can be dodged if the opponent has intentions to dodge it. - reword this to, opponents with 10+ more reflex than skill user's speed can dodge it.
    • The arrows are not controlled completely by the user as he/she just launches them in the general direction of there desired destination.









    Sora
    Sora


    Rank 1- Player-

    Lineage : Blood Bane

    Beli Beli : 37916
    Posts : 14
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Solo
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Sora
    Primary Skill: Atsu Atsu no Mi | Heat Heat Fruit
    Secondary Skill:

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Sora Sun Mar 16, 2014 2:46 am

    Bump. |Edits made.|Awaiting Mod/Admin check.|
    Leon L.H.
    Leon L.H.


    Administrator- Developer/Chatbox Moderator- Rank 1- Beta 3 Tester- Limited Edition Donor- Novice- Mythical Zoan Fruit User- Player-

    Lineage : Peacekeeper's Virtue

    Beli Beli : 275283
    Task Points : 16
    Divine Coins :
    Posts : 520
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Heaven's Winter
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Hexel L Hellsing AKA The Red Piano
    Primary Skill: Akuma-Akuma No Mi; Model: Diablo
    Secondary Skill: Vengeance of Demon Slayers

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Leon L.H. Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:03 am

    Sora, The Adventurer wrote:Skill Name: Atsu Atsu no Mi
    Skill Type: Devil Fruit | Paramecia
    Skill Information: The user of this Devil Fruit controls the heat that is produced from his/her body, causing the user to become a "Heat" human.
    Skill Strengths:

    It would be nice for you to put under here that you can control heat, manipulate heat or something. Anything that are considered big, like The user can burn almost anything they touch depending on how much heat they have emitting from there body, you can heat up your body to 1000 degrees or more,  you need to put it under skill strength. Of course doing so you need to create more weakness. Anyways just letting you know. Basically, write down what you can do with your skill. It it is not stated here, how can you perform it right? But AGAIN, more strength means more weakness to balanced it out.



    • Resistance to solar energy. +5 Endurance, when near solar energy.
    • The user can heat up cold places
    • Resistance to Fire and Heat. +10 Endurance, when near fire and heat.


    Skill Weaknesses:

    • Extreme colds, that are colder than which the user can heat up. - reword it to, against cold element users, skill user lose -5 endurance against them.
    • Standard Devil Fruit Weakness; Sea Stone, Sea Water, Haki.
    • Against water element users, the user loses -10 endurance against them.




    Abilities.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Ball!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Long Range
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 2 - change it to 3 posts.
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user creates a ball of pure heat in the palm of their hands and then throws it towards the opponent. - since it is long range, what is the max range it can attack up to. For lvl one i would accept up to 20 meters. or maybe up to 25 meters.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • If the balls hit, the opponent will suffer from 1st degree burns for 1 turn. - add - 5 endurance.
    • Can be used at long range so the user doesn't need to get close to his/her opponent.
    • The balls, being completely made of heat can travel through solids.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • Opponents with 10+ reflex than the users speed can dodge the attack.
    • The balls can burn things that the user didn't intend to burn if the opponent dodges them.
    • The balls can be easily seen so the opponent would know when they are coming.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Up!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Close range
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 3
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user heats up causing his/her skin to turn red and steam to emit from his/her body. The user can heat up to 1,000 degrees maximum.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • Anything that comes within 10 feet of the user will receive minor burns. -5 Endurance when within 10 feet of the user. -5 Endurance for one turn after leaving the 10 feet radius. - reword this to, Opponents that comes within 10ft. of the user will receive minor burns. -5 Endurance for one post and one post after the duration of this ability. (I assume this ability's duration is one post. so after the duration they will still be suffering from this ability.)
    • Could cause serious damage to the environment.
    • The user can withstand heat up to 1,000 degrees.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • If the user becomes extremely hot, he/she could burn things he/she doesn't want.
    • The user can be cooled by extreme colds that are -1,000 degrees or less.- rewords this to, opponents with 40+ strength and is a cold element user, can cool the skill user up.
    • The user could damage near by allies. - this is same as your first weakness. change it.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Hot Hands!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Close range.
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 2 - change it to 5 posts. and duration for 2 posts.
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user heats up his/her fists to 1,000 degrees.

    • If the users touches his/her opponent, his/her fists will leave minor burns on the opponents body - add - 5 endurance for one post.
    • If the user grabs hold of the opponent or touches the same spot repeatedly the users hands could cause major burns to the place he/she touched. - reword this to, when skill user touches opponents twice, that opponent will suffer heavier burn. - 5 endurance on top of first stat lose. (meaning, first you touch that person, as described on first strength, will lose -5 endu than second time you touch them will lose -5 more endurance, total of -10.)
    • The heat from the users fists could burn things easily.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • The user burns everything he/she touches, and could possibly burn things he/she doesn't want to burn.
    • The user would have to be in close range to grab/punch/touch somebody.
    • The user's fists are not hot enough to burn any types of metals. - add Heavy armor users will gain +5 endurance against skill user.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Dome!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Close range
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 4
    Ability Lvl 1 Duration: 2
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user generates a dome of heat that extends about 5 feet around the user.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:

    • Anyone within the dome of heat would be extremely hot and would suffer from 1st degree burns and have -5 Endurance when within the dome. -5 Endurance for one turn after leaving the dome. - reword it to, Opponents who were effected by the dome will suffer from 1st degree burn, -5 endurance for the duration of this ability and one post after the duration of this ability.
    • If somebody would try to pass through the dome they would take minor burns. -5 Endurance for one post.
    • It'd be a good way to keep opponents in close range with the user.

    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • The user takes 1 turn for the dome to extend the total 5 feet around.
    • Due to the fact that the wall is made of heat, projectiles could easily pass through it. - add, against long range weapon users, skill user lose -5 endurance.
    • Opponents need to stay in the dome for 1 post in order to take minor burns.




    Ability Lvl 1 Name: Heat Arrows!
    Ability Lvl 1 Type: Long Range.
    Ability Lvl 1 Cooldown: 4
    Ability Lvl 1 Duration: 2
    Ability Lvl 1 Description: The user forms 3 small heat arrows in his hands and then makes them larger as he pulls his hands away from them, they eventually become the size of a regular arrow. The user then pushes the heat away from him causing the 3 arrows to fly towards the selected destination. - since this is long range, put it here how far it can go. accept up to 20~25 meters. maybe up to 30 meters on this one.
    Ability Lvl 1 Strengths:
    [*]Will leave minor burns on an opponents body if they hit. -5 Endurance for on - -5 endurance for one post.
    [*]If the arrows hit anything that is flammable, the arrows will light the flammable thing on fire.
    [*]Can be used at long range. - make new strength. I already know this is long range as you already put it up on ability type.
    Ability Lvl 1 Weaknesses:

    • Takes 1 post to create and launch the arrows.
    • Opponents with 10+ reflex than the users speed can dodge the attack.
    • The arrows are not controlled completely by the user as he/she just launches them in the general direction of there desired destination.





    Sora
    Sora


    Rank 1- Player-

    Lineage : Blood Bane

    Beli Beli : 37916
    Posts : 14
    Race : Human
    Gender : Male
    Crew : Solo
    Affiliation : Pirate


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Sora
    Primary Skill: Atsu Atsu no Mi | Heat Heat Fruit
    Secondary Skill:

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Sora Mon Mar 17, 2014 12:33 am

    Bump| Leon come check dis pls|
    Azure Snow
    Azure Snow


    Administrator- Moderator- Rank 1- Beta 3 Tester- Captain- Senior- Novice- Player-

    Lineage : Legacy Of A Legend

    Beli Beli : 40516
    Task Points : 5
    Divine Coins : 10
    Posts : 716
    Race : Human
    Gender : Female
    Crew : Heaven's Winter
    Affiliation : Shichibukai


    Character Profile
    Character Name: Azure D. Snow
    Primary Skill: Heaven Nōdachi Style
    Secondary Skill: Gun Blade Style

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Empty Re: Sora's Hidden Poetential

    Post by Azure Snow Mon Mar 17, 2014 1:24 am

    Sora's Hidden Poetential Approved_opt_zps3d2de129

    Sora wrote:Skill Name: Atsu Atsu no Mi
    Skill Type: Devil Fruit | Paramecia
    Skill Information: The user of this Devil Fruit controls the heat that is produced from his/her body, causing the user to become a "Heat" human. The user can burn almost anything they touch depending on how much heat they have emitting from their body.


    • The user can heat up to a total of 1,000 degrees at level one.
    • The user can heat up to a total of 5,000 degrees at level two.
    • The user can heat up to a total of 10,000 degrees at level three.

    Skill Strengths:


    • Resistance to solar energy. +5 Endurance, when near solar energy.
    • The user can heat up cold places
    • Resistance to Fire and Heat. +10 Endurance, when near fire and heat.


    Skill Weaknesses:

    • against cold element users, skill user lose -5 endurance against them.
    • Standard Devil Fruit Weakness; Sea Stone, Sea Water, Haki.
    • Against water element users, the user loses -10 endurance against them.


    Level 1 abilities.:

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